A puff more, a cigarette less. Today, I ran out of rizla's. There could not be a more unfit time for this as exam stress is on and a casual stroll with a smoke is the only thing that sets my mind at ease. A trip to Jhonny's here and there kills the time but the pressure continues to rise.

It hit me by surprise recently but I realized my reasons for looking forward to the summer. There's a few things I have learnt over the year but nothing too exciting except for what I learnt in my course which I believe would not be as interesting to anybody else. Though, I believe I will one day meet a person who can match my aspirations and understand my argument with life. I have become somebody who would by standard be described as depressed or sad, but I am not depressed as I have felt depression and I am not sad as I know the feeling of loss. I would describe myself as indifferent. My attitude is a choice made based on calculations for the path I see ahead of me. I juggle my personality to fit others moods to create an artificial moment and bond, but what of my souls emptiness. I am not lonely because I have people around me and I am thankful for that, I just haven't found what I'm looking for. I do not feel sorry for myself or need others sympathy, I'm just really exhausted because this experience is becoming repetitive and I need something new. Something... new.